The Scream

I am scared... scared of everyone around me. People I trusted taking advantage of me. They changed within split seconds. I don’t know whom to trust. Everyone seems so superficial. I am scared of being myself to the world. Everyone seems to have a mask, something to cover up. Maybe in this way they seem protected. I’m still very much naïve and innocent. I feel vulnerable. I feel exposed. Trusting everyone and believing that each person is a good person at the end of the day and has just good intentions. I feel weak. I feel too emotional. My heart feels heavy. And for the first time I feel alone. I’ve always had people to talk to..people there for me. But at this point in life.. I feel alone. I feel weak… weaker than ever.  Not looking forward to waking up to tomorrow… Wanting to hide myself from the world…. Wanting to crawl into my mother’s lap to forget everything.  I feel that no one understands me. I feel lost in this maize, thousands of paths to take, not knowing where to go… where to turn. Not knowing what I want. Aimless. Who am I? Why am I living this life? What brought me here? I don’t have answers to any of these questions… even the latter. Hating myself for letting things happen...hating myself for not speaking up when inside I was screaming..  crying to be heard.